Coffee and Things

A mom with a cup of Joe, hoping to help you as I go….

Change…

Believing….

Abundance of faith…

Letting go of the plan because version 2 is coming (heard at my Thirty-One annual conference this weekend)…

All of these messages I have received over the last week are so timely.  Every single day can bring about a change that we never saw coming and are often a testing of our faith.  As such, it can produce raging fear in our humanness. 

I John 4:18 says that perfect love casts out fear. In James 2:19 scripture says that even the demons believe – and they shudder.  When enduring these changes, it’s important to praise the name of Jesus – with that praise we can command our enemies of fear, discouragement, doubt and everything else that holds us down to flee.  Remember my t-shirt “Not today Satan?” We can boldly fight off any demons that are harassing us today with one name.  Jesus.  

In Psalm 62:5-6 scripture says “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.  Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken”

The above verse reminds me of Natalie Grant’s song “I Will Not Be Moved”…I loved that song when I first became a Christian.  But I don’t think I really “understood” the lyrics at the time because I was a “baby Christian”….I didn’t know the impact and what this song would have on me 15 years later. “I will stumble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved.  I will make mistakes, I will face heartache but I will not be moved”  Nothing can shake me.  And maybe this song when I first heard it as a baby Christian embedded itself into my heart. 

It causes me to think about my childhood, moving around chasing dreams as a young adult with 2 little kids, 2nd trimester miscarriage, Chris’s concussions, and now our family having to move out of a place we have been pouring our lives into for the past 3 years.  We aren’t being evicted out of our rental home that we were working hard  to buy (landlords had even given their asking price and credit reference – we just need a couple more months to pay off 2 medical bills). Rather, someone else swooped in and bought the whole property out from underneath us. He was going to keep it as a rental for us but now he and HIS family want to move in here.  So, that puts us out of a home.  And it hurts. 

Deeply.  

I look around and I catch myself sobbing on the inside. I can’t bear to take the girl’s decorations off their adorable room walls – not until they go spend  next week down at Grandma Linda’s so they don’t have to sleep in a bare room.  I mow the lawn with tears streaming down my face.  I lay in bed at night angry because man disappoints and it causes me to have anxiety attacks. Checking my heart rate every 2 minutes. I look at Lily’s sad face as she looks around at my packing totes. She’s trying hard. 

I had a vision for this place!  I had a plan!  I was going to knock down walls, take these stinky glass shelves out of my cupboards; I was going to lay some carpet down because the wood floors hurt my feet and Edyn’s knees when she plays. I was going to do ALL.THE.THINGS. 

And then I wasn’t.  

My plan had come to a  screeching halt.  

Now I have to go a different direction.  Detour.  

I believe that God is preparing me, and has been preparing me,  to be able to withstand changes. To be flexible.  Adaptable.  Perhaps Kyle going off to college next year, perhaps this house situation, perhaps the ever evolving changes at school/work, perhaps the new world we live in.  All of these jolting changes are a testing of my faith because his current provision doesn’t yet match our set of upcoming needs.  And changes don’t always have to be bad, they can be good changes too.  So I don’t want to sit here and feel all gloom and doom wondering what is going to happen because then that will cause me to sin and worry about what tomorrow brings.  Today has enough worry of its own.  (Matthew 6:34)

All I know is that He has been faithful to me in the past and he will be faithful now to see me through this mess.  And it’s all to prepare me.  A detour is  a long or roundabout route that is taken to avoid something or to visit somewhere along the way. Detours often lead to beautiful destinations.  It may take me a way that I  hadn’t thought of.  I may see something new or find a new way of doing things.  

So as I pack up each room I will pray over the room.  Thanking it for blessing us and serving us.  I will pray over the rooms that new little boys will live in; that they might bring them joy and room to play and get rest.  I will pray over my master bedroom that the Lord will bless the new marriage coming into this room and bless the hands and feet that shower away a hard days’ work.  I will pray over the kitchen where their meals will be prepared and ask the Lord to bless their food to their bodies and give them time as a family to gather. 

I will pray over the amazing backyard, while we take down the girls’ swing set; that the little boys will be blessed with adventures and that the parents will enjoy this amazing view and never take it for granted.  I will pray over the living room where they gather as a family and watch their boys grow up into young men, where their friends will play and watch movies and hang out.  

With blurry eyes, I have to let go of the plan.  Version 2 is coming and it could be even better than the first.  <3

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